last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
