im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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