Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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