I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
