god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
