the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize