I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
