I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
