Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
