There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize