I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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