There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize