So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
