So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
