Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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