I'm so fucking centered right now
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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