I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize