I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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