The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
