Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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