We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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