totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
