Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sorry my hands just texted you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
