I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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