Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
