just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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