I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
