i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
