Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
