im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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