My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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