I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
