Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
