Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
