apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
