You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
