last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
