I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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