I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
