eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just invented taco cereal.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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