remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
