I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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