I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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