is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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