I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
