so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We got so high we made milksteak
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How's work?
Spinning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
