Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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