oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
