Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
