Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
