He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
