38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
