White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
