Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
