My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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