Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
