Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
