Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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