WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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