I think I won the penis lottery.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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