I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
