only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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