she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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