oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
