Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
