you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
