you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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