Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My cat gives me a boner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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