we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
