sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
