You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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