Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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