watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
